Fear is a very powerful emotion.  It can be crippling.  I’m trying to turn mine into something powerful…

I am trying to lose the weight again.  I figure I’ve got about 25-30 pounds before I’m at my “ideal weight”.  I’m starting a cleaner-eating food plan on the 5th (of course it’s after 4th of July…I’m not completely mental), I’ve been doing water aerobics all summer and just recently I set the goal of running a 5k.

“But wait?  Didn’t you do a 5k for Komen last year?  You’ve already done that!” my mind screams.  ‘Tis true, I did complete the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure last October (my birthday weekend, to be exact) but I completed it as a walker.  I’ve set the goal of completing a Color Dash this year (birthday weekend…I sense a theme here) as a runner.  Yep, you heard me.  The asthmatic that only runs when being chased or late for a plane has set a goal to run a 5k later this year.  Needless to say, I’m scared as hell.

I can’t swim two laps in the pool without my throat burning and my chest feeling like it’s on fire.  My training today was an interval training…1 minute at a steady pace and 1.5 minutes at a slow pace for 20 minutes.  I decided to try and be all Betty Bad-Ass and jog that first minute.  BAD IDEA.  Cue the throat and chest burn.  I had my rescue inhaler with me and I used it promptly, but the feeling never quite went away.  The rest of my interval training alternated between fast walk and slow walk.  I guess that’s what I should’ve done in the first place…lesson learned.

I also felt extremely awkward when I was jogging…like I wasn’t doing it right.  It made my lower legs hurt and I just felt…weird.  Everything just felt so heavy.  I don’t know, maybe I’m just paranoid.  Maybe it’s that fear again.

What if I can’t do it?  I can’t get in to see my asthma doc until September, unless there’s a cancellation.  I really wanted to talk to him about all of this before I started.  I know that there are plenty of highly successful athletes with asthma and it doesn’t get in their way.  I need to figure out how to get there.  Truth is the fear makes me think that I might not be able to do it.  I may end up walking the 5k in October.  What I DO know is that I’m gonna try.  I’m gonna train, I’m gonna eat right and I’m gonna give it my all.  If I do have to walk it, at least I’ll finish it.  That I KNOW I can do, no matter what.


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