Fear
Fear is a very powerful emotion. It can be crippling. I’m trying to turn mine into something
powerful…
I am trying to lose the weight again. I figure I’ve got about 25-30 pounds before I’m
at my “ideal weight”. I’m starting a
cleaner-eating food plan on the 5th (of course it’s after 4th
of July…I’m not completely mental), I’ve been doing water aerobics all summer
and just recently I set the goal of running a 5k.
“But wait? Didn’t you
do a 5k for Komen last year? You’ve
already done that!” my mind screams. ‘Tis
true, I did complete the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure last October (my
birthday weekend, to be exact) but I completed it as a walker. I’ve set the goal of completing a Color Dash
this year (birthday weekend…I sense a theme here) as a runner. Yep, you heard me. The asthmatic that only runs when being
chased or late for a plane has set a goal to run a 5k later this year. Needless to say, I’m scared as hell.
I can’t swim two laps in the pool without my throat burning
and my chest feeling like it’s on fire.
My training today was an interval training…1 minute at a steady pace and
1.5 minutes at a slow pace for 20 minutes.
I decided to try and be all Betty Bad-Ass and jog that first
minute. BAD IDEA. Cue the throat and chest burn. I had my rescue inhaler with me and I used it
promptly, but the feeling never quite went away. The rest of my interval training alternated
between fast walk and slow walk. I guess
that’s what I should’ve done in the first place…lesson learned.
I also felt extremely awkward when I was jogging…like I wasn’t
doing it right. It made my lower legs
hurt and I just felt…weird. Everything
just felt so heavy. I don’t know, maybe
I’m just paranoid. Maybe it’s that fear
again.
What if I can’t do it?
I can’t get in to see my asthma doc until September, unless there’s a
cancellation. I really wanted to talk to
him about all of this before I started.
I know that there are plenty of highly successful athletes with asthma
and it doesn’t get in their way. I need
to figure out how to get there. Truth is
the fear makes me think that I might not be able to do it. I may end up walking the 5k in October. What I DO know is that I’m gonna try. I’m gonna train, I’m gonna eat right and I’m
gonna give it my all. If I do have to
walk it, at least I’ll finish it. That I
KNOW I can do, no matter what.
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