Fear is a very powerful emotion. It can be crippling. I’m trying to turn mine into something powerful…
I am trying to lose the weight again. I figure I’ve got about 25-30 pounds before I’m at my “ideal weight”. I’m starting a cleaner-eating food plan on the 5th (of course it’s after 4th of July…I’m not completely mental), I’ve been doing water aerobics all summer and just recently I set the goal of running a 5k.
“But wait? Didn’t you do a 5k for Komen last year? You’ve already done that!” my mind screams. ‘Tis true, I did complete the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure last October (my birthday weekend, to be exact) but I completed it as a walker. I’ve set the goal of completing a Color Dash this year (birthday weekend…I sense a theme here) as a runner. Yep, you heard me. The asthmatic that only runs when being chased or late for a plane has set a goal to run a 5k later this year. Needless to say, I’m scared as hell.
I can’t swim two laps in the pool without my throat burning and my chest feeling like it’s on fire. My training today was an interval training…1 minute at a steady pace and 1.5 minutes at a slow pace for 20 minutes. I decided to try and be all Betty Bad-Ass and jog that first minute. BAD IDEA. Cue the throat and chest burn. I had my rescue inhaler with me and I used it promptly, but the feeling never quite went away. The rest of my interval training alternated between fast walk and slow walk. I guess that’s what I should’ve done in the first place…lesson learned.
I also felt extremely awkward when I was jogging…like I wasn’t doing it right. It made my lower legs hurt and I just felt…weird. Everything just felt so heavy. I don’t know, maybe I’m just paranoid. Maybe it’s that fear again.
What if I can’t do it? I can’t get in to see my asthma doc until September, unless there’s a cancellation. I really wanted to talk to him about all of this before I started. I know that there are plenty of highly successful athletes with asthma and it doesn’t get in their way. I need to figure out how to get there. Truth is the fear makes me think that I might not be able to do it. I may end up walking the 5k in October. What I DO know is that I’m gonna try. I’m gonna train, I’m gonna eat right and I’m gonna give it my all. If I do have to walk it, at least I’ll finish it. That I KNOW I can do, no matter what.