Trouble Sleeping...
Okay, I’ve hinted around it a couple of times in previous posts, but basically my best friend of 14 years and I are no more. Anyone who knows me probably knows “my side” of the story, but basically I’ve felt unappreciated for years, and I had finally had enough.
I completely take the blame for the way things ended…she probably never saw it coming. In her defense, why should she? I’ve held my feelings of being unappreciated inside for YEARS. She probably had no idea that there was even a camel’s back to break, let alone know that the straw was oh-so-close to falling on it. It’s my fault. I should’ve spoken up all of the times I’d done things for her/her husband/her children and never had gotten so much as a “thank you” or “kiss my @ss”. I didn’t. I let it sit and fester. She probably thought that she could tell me off and I’d just sit there…waiting in the wings until she was ready to deal with me again. It’s happened before, why wouldn’t it happen again? Well, I decided that it wasn’t going to happen again. She was completely blind-sided. I take full responsibility for that.
With all that being said, I still haven’t told her how I felt. I told her husband all of the things I was tired of and all of the things I felt unappreciated for. I don’t know if he relayed those feeling to her not. I thought it didn’t matter, but now it seems I’m dreaming about her all of the time. In some we’re happy and nothing bad has ever happened. In others we are yelling and screaming at each other like we’re insane. This too I believe, shall pass. I don’t know if I’ll ever speak to her again. We’re both very stubborn, so I really don’t expect to. I suspect the dreams will fade as well, I just really don’t know when. I hope soon, I hate waking up feeling like I just got out of a fight. It’s just tiring.
I completely take the blame for the way things ended…she probably never saw it coming. In her defense, why should she? I’ve held my feelings of being unappreciated inside for YEARS. She probably had no idea that there was even a camel’s back to break, let alone know that the straw was oh-so-close to falling on it. It’s my fault. I should’ve spoken up all of the times I’d done things for her/her husband/her children and never had gotten so much as a “thank you” or “kiss my @ss”. I didn’t. I let it sit and fester. She probably thought that she could tell me off and I’d just sit there…waiting in the wings until she was ready to deal with me again. It’s happened before, why wouldn’t it happen again? Well, I decided that it wasn’t going to happen again. She was completely blind-sided. I take full responsibility for that.
With all that being said, I still haven’t told her how I felt. I told her husband all of the things I was tired of and all of the things I felt unappreciated for. I don’t know if he relayed those feeling to her not. I thought it didn’t matter, but now it seems I’m dreaming about her all of the time. In some we’re happy and nothing bad has ever happened. In others we are yelling and screaming at each other like we’re insane. This too I believe, shall pass. I don’t know if I’ll ever speak to her again. We’re both very stubborn, so I really don’t expect to. I suspect the dreams will fade as well, I just really don’t know when. I hope soon, I hate waking up feeling like I just got out of a fight. It’s just tiring.
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