A Light At The End of This Tunnel...

I would first like to apologize if this post is all over the place.  Last Thursday a coworker friend of mine tragically lost her 4 year old son.  It hit me very personally.  I'd met the little guy before and he was always very sweet, but because of the fact that he is the same age as my daughter it really hit me hard.  What would I ever do if anything like that ever happend to my children?  How would I cope?  My mind spun around that topic for days.

The truth is I'd never thought about the possibility of losing either of my children before then.  You hear about it happening, but it always happens to them.  You know them...they're "other people".  Stuff like that doesn't happen to people like us or people we know, it happens to "other people".  Well this time "other people" was a friend of mine, and it hurt me deeply.

My friend and her family have been amazingly strong throughout this ordeal, and sometimes I just don't see how.  They have an amazing support system and an unwavering faith in God and both have helped them through this seemingly impossible time...but it still leaves me with a lot of "why's".

Why am I reflecting on this now?  How does this affect my thinking in all of this?  For one, I did start to think about what if something happend to Brie and Boogie, or what if something happend to Kenny or myself and they were left behind?  It's time to start preparing for the future...and planning for all of the different futures that could possibly play out so that our family is at least (somewhat) prepared...without getting all super paranoid, of course.*

More importantly, it makes me think of the fact that I am so very fortunate in that NOTHING has happened to my children and NOTHING has happened to their parents...so it's time to start living in the moment and enjoying every one that we have.  It makes me want to be there for my children in every way I can.  I want to teach them, I want to love them...I want to experience life with them.  It makes me want to be the best "me" I can be for them.

There are so many things I want to do.  I want to go back to school and give myself a leg up in my career so that I can better provide for them (classes start August 29th...CHECK!).  I want to be in better health so that the words "mommy doesn't feel good" don't always have to come out of my daughter's mouth (awaiting call from surgeon's office to fix part of my GI problems...CHECK!)  I want to be in better shape so that I can run after my kids and not want to give up after 10 minutes...or even worse, not want to run after them in the first place (getting back on track with Weight Watchers goals and breaking out my Zumba DVS TODAY...CHECK!).

I love my family immeasurably and I want to be the best me I can be...for them and for myself.

*I'm a Libra...y'all know how I do :)


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